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The Last Post

This will probably be the last post. I'm not sure about the future. But for now, I can't do this anymore.

I have things that I need to deal with. All that I can say is, I thought I had found the peace that had long eluded me. Unfortunately it was short-lived. I am seeing it again. Flashes of anger and violence. Hatred and discord. I don't know whether I will be able to control myself. I could, snap one day. Then someone will get hurt.

I know this may sound insane.But deep down inside me, there's something horrible. Something twisted and eager to realise itself. Before it becomes a reality I need to calm down.

I need to be alone. Everything I see around me just brings me pain and grief.

Maybe it's just a phase. I don't know. Lately it just takes a lot of effort for me to be happy.

Anyway this is the last post. I'm keeping a journal now. It's for myself.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blogs.

Evil Revisited And Expo Extravanganza

Saturday: Shan Shan was keen on making a 'real' version of the Resident Evil:0406. So Jon and I decided to help her out. Unfortunately everyone else seemed to be busy and unavailable on Saturday. Since there was a serious shortage of actors we had to improvise and work around some problems.

We wrapped our shooting at 12pm we having some difficulties entering the cargo lift bay. (which btw was for authorised personnel only) Then we made a quick check at the classrooms of Blk L, M and the library to see if we could use the computers for some video editing. No such luck! The school is officially closed by 1pm. BAH.

So wat2do?

Jonathan suggested we played Project Justice at Grassroots Club. It's actually Rival School and some other characters in a new almagated fighting game. Kewl...lol Kewl is such a lame lingo.(I'm lame...)

On the way home, smsed Yaoguang and Inez to ask them if they were interested in going to expo for the popular fair.

One more day and my family in exception Ain, will be going to Indonesia for one week. The house will be so quiet at night. Later in the evening, when I was online, I asked Zero if he would like to visit the IT fair as well as Expo. He said yes.

Sunday: Woke up when I heard the phone ringing. It's Zero. He's asking me where we should meet and when. We decided to gather at Expo by 1pm. Inez however was busy and couldn't come.

Coincidentally we were all taking the same eastbound train without knowing. I alighted at Tanah Merah platform and resumed travel on the train which was heading towards Changi Airport. I was looking to my left and LO~ I spotted Zero next to the staircase. Moments later Zero looked further left and EH~ there was Yaoguang! We boarded the nexr train to Expo.

The popular fair was such a disappointment. There were so little books. I was expecting something like those book fairs at Suntec Convention but it wasn't. What a waste of time travelling there. Imagine 24 stations (approximately one hour) just to get there.

Following that, we covered the IT convention held on level 4 of Suntec. It was so packed. Especially the X-box booth. Gamers there were hogging the console and the traffic. The situation was not feasible for comfortable browsing so we saw what we wanted and left as soon.

We had lunch at Shaw Tower BK.

When in Bugis, the art student would naturally take the opportunity to visit our ART friend.(Isn't there any other major art supply store?!) Woah ho ho, BBC had a book fair. It was way better than Popular's. But the only book I bought was Superman/Batman issue 14 and 17. Jeph Loeb is SO damn good at drawing...GOSH *eyes twinkling

Zero wanted someone to accompany him and play Top Spin at X-Square. (Plaza Singapura)
While we were there we had fun playing with Metal Slug 4 too.

Finally I arrived home and realised that my family has left. I feel so lonely at home. I miss my youngest sister the most. She's so noisy and now the silence is unbearble.

Burning Of The Midnight Lamp

If there is one word to describe how I felt today, it would've to be sluggish. I spent hours labouring on the storyboard project. Just when I thought my work was done, Eugene pointed out all the mistakes in my storyboarding.

It's not that silly to have omitted drawing beyond the dotted lines. I'm still learning ok? Honestly, some tutors just seem to think that we can get it right the first time.

I was feeling wiped out throughout the lesson until he mentioned the Siggraph excursion to LA. Wow! I want to go there. But it's gonna cost me a cool 3K just for the trip and accomodations. I don't think I can get that large sum of money during the holidays. :(

More bad news (sort of) for me, as I have just learnt that I've got reservist ICT on the 29th of April! I don't know whether I have any valid excuse to defer.I'll have to ask Ms Lee . There goes two weeks of my holiday.

I forgot that the format of the portrait is landscape and not --- well, portrait. (So ironic)

Torn

When Ms Lee said that she would be handing out the specialisation documents tomorrow, I was groaning in despair. I'm so confused now.

If you had asked me a week ago, which particular stream was my first choice, I would've definitely answered without a hitch --- Animation.

But I'm not so sure now. Lately I've been thinking of Games as well. It'll be a combination of two things which I'm really passionate about(developing game characters and game development). This is why I'm here (DMD) in the first place. To do something that I like.

Thankfully the deadline is 3 weeks. I don't think this is a decision that I can just make without insight. Maybe I'll be more certain after the specialisation talk scheduled on Wednesday.

[I'm getting cold feet now? Sighs, I just don't want to repeat the same mistake that I made 4 1/2 years ago.]

The Meaning Of Life

What is the meaning of life?

Well, I was watching an episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' on Starworld andRaymond's daugther had asked him exactly that. It was a comical situation because Raymond had prepared for a SEX awareness talk with her...but this question had him dumbfounded. He went downstairs and had a BIG debate with his dysfunctional parents, neurotic brother and anal retentive wife.

Suddenly Raymond exclaims, 'Thats it! Maybe God made us clever enough to ask about the meaning but not clever enough to find out the answer."

Robert (His brother) in dismay looks at the ceiling, holds both hands up and in jest, says to God, 'Awwww C'mon!'

So what's your take on life?

Yaoguang smsed me around 1.40 pm saying that he's tired. Coincidentally Dorothy logged on MSN just when I received it. She hasn't finished her CP (creative process) so in other words she can't make it either. I don't know why I make an effort to organise anything at all.

Entailing that I was just to bored to do any real work. So I continued playing computer games all afternoon.

I just wanna be loved

Yesterday I arranged to have a friendly badminton game with Yaoguang today. Perhaps either Dorothy or Jonathan would be joining us too.

But its already 12 and I just woke up. I still don't know whether they are still willing to play. Neither of them are online and I tried sending an sms to Yaoguang. He hasn't replied.

What should I do now?

Maybe I'll wait out and in the meantime do my Creative Process homework. I hope they'll call me soon...

4S6. The only Sec 4 express class taking Art because we didn't do so super in Sec 2. It's like we were condemned to take a lesser subject(with no academics involved). However it didn't matter to me because I loved it.

Clear the table

There's so much stuff in my room.

I don't feel like doing anything productive in here. My table is wasted with stationery, paper, books and apparently all the junk that I bought over the past year. It's worse at the shelf. You can probably conduct an archaelogical search there and find some remains of the early 90's embedded there.

I get so discouraged looking at a messy table.

When I actually do attempt to clean up, I undergo a theraupeutic trance. When I listen to the vacuum sucking up the dusts which have gathered in the nook and crannies; I get this feeling of contentment. I think I'm a closet MONK ---the Adrian Monk (the inimitable obsessive, compulsive master sleuth in the TV series erm...entitled MONK)

Yup. I like to arrange things symmetrically. Have things done in a certain order. (this is a natural schedule streamlined into the daily routine) Wear certain clothes. Things fall apart when I break the cycle.

But its not as acute as Monk's probably due to the fact that I am LAZY. Thats really the only reason why I don't clean up my room everyday, do the laundry and polish the silverware...